most valuable prayer

Where to start… I’ve come to two major realizations: That a dream I’ve always wanted- but never thought would actually happen- can come true, and another that I’ve wanted equally as much- and thought would happen- probably won’t. Where does that leave me?

On one hand, I had completely given upon on ever finding a partner. Someone that would love me in a way I hadn’t even fathomed, and that I would love just as much. The scenario in which we met and got together was unconventional, but most of the best things in life are as much. I tend to find the things that make me happiest when I least expect to. I’m more thankful for this than I can express. Accordantly, other details of my life have greatly changed, mostly for the better, but on the other hand…

I won’t say that I’ve completely given up on my dream of fame and fortitude in my ideal career path, but I’ve learned/I’m learning to be just as happy without it. Although I love my new job, it’s not what I thought I’d be doing. Sure, it probably won’t be my “career” but for now I think it’s a decent choice. Although it’s not music related, it’s no secret that I’ve also always had a penchant for being a part of the greater good. I get to go to work everyday, with people who (mostly) make the day enjoyable, meet new people, see new places, I’m not stuck at a desk in a typical 9 to 5 situation, and I get to go home, not thinking or believing, but knowing that I help save peoples lives. No matter how busy or stressful the day, that’s a pretty satisfying feeling.

Where does that leave me and the esteemed music industry? Basically, I do what I can, when I can. NO matter what, I’ll always be an enthusiast and a bit of a music snob, but if I can’t make money doing it I’m learning how to make that ok. I’ve said that if faced with the choice with a dream career or partner in life, that I couldn’t choose. But now, I think that you may not need to choose and if you make some modifications you can still be happy.

It’s not that you can’t have your cake and eat it too; some people are so lucky. But more so that you can have your cake… one slice at a time, until you’re full. After all, too much cake makes a person fat.

Once again, an attempt at curing my temporary insomnia. I really need to get back to this blog. For my own sanity.

Let’s see… since I last left off a lot of good has happened. I’m back in Syracuse, very much in love, and I have two jobs- one which keeps getting better, and one which is new and hopefully I will enjoy it very much before long. I’ve gone some places, done some things and have generally been very happy. But there is one thing that has been brought to light as of late, especially with the one year anniversary of my college graduation. 

I miss my friends. Very very much. When I think of all the people I have lost touch with it makes me sick to my stomach. Some have drifted away just because of distance, others have just lost interest (on one side or the other). There are some people who I especially miss and I wonder if those relationships are too far gone or if they can be repaired. I would hate to be the girl that ditches her friends for a guy, and I would never purposely do that. But that’s the key, I may not have done it on purpose, but I think I kinda did. It’s hard because none of my friends are even in Syracuse anymore. They are in NYC, Boston, Tennessee, California, and other parts of New York and all over the country. There is literally no one I can call just to hang out for a couple hours as of right now. I’m not lonely because I have my partner, but we both know that he can’t be the only person I hang out with.

Where did I take this turn? How did this happen? Although this makes me sad, I know that it’s not completely my fault. I wonder if any of my friends will read this. Part of me wishes they would, part of me is indifferent. I anticipated this happening after college, but I didn’t think it would happen to this extent. And I don’t know how to fix it. 

For a moment, forget the actual history and/or the origins of Thanksgiving. In modern America, the focus of Thanksgiving is around loved ones and a reflection on what we’re “thankful” for. Here goes.

I think I am more confused that I think I have ever been in my entire life. But in the grand scheme of things, I still think I’m pretty lucky and that I have a lot to be thankful for. Specifically:

1. My parents. Even though I’m struggling with CAREER post-grad, I am much more fortunate than a lot of others my age. In short, they help me with whatever they can, the best way they know how. I have no loans to pay off, a roof over my head, food to eat, clothes to wear, and then some. That’s a lot to be thankful for.
2. My love life. I’m not going to go into a lot of detail here cause I don’t know who reads this (sorry, yo), BUT I’m so thankful to have been found and “gotten”- which is something I have wanted for a VERY long time.

Cheesy, yes. But really, Thanksgiving is about giving thanks. Think about what you’re thankful for, and be thankful.

Although, I can’t deny that I’m SO looking forward to Grandma’s mashed potatoes. DELISH!

Posted 10/30

Dear God,

Here’s what I want for my birthday:

1. A taste of happiness.

Here’s what I don’t want:

1. Stress
2. Tears
3. Anything Nickelback related.

Thanks. I know it’s a lot but, whatever you can afford is fine. It’s the thought that counts.

What I got:

1. Stress (But only a little bit, and it subsidded relatively quickly in the weekend)
2. A LOT of tears (Some bad ones, but mostly happy tears)
3. A taste of happiness
4. True friendship
5. A lot of love

Thanks G, you shouldn’t have ;)

Dear God,

Here’s what I want for my birthday:

1. A taste of happiness.

Here’s what I don’t want:

1. Stress
2. Tears
3. Anything Nickelback related.

Thanks. I know it’s a lot but, whatever you can afford is fine. It’s the thought that counts.

Been on my mind, and it has nothing to do with religion, but…

I don’t have (and never have really) celebrity crushes. Pretty much only Jake Gyllenhaal and Edward Norton. However, Edward was on The View this morning and he just looked… old. And not in a sexy older man kinda way, but in a “that guy reminds me of my dad” kind of way.

I guess I still have Jake. :(

Walked down my block the other direction for the first time today. As it turns out, less than two blocks from my apartment in Brooklyn is a Catholic school and a Roman Catholic church, with the same school colors as MY Catholic elementary school.

And it’s the only Roman Catholic church I’ve seen in Brooklyn thus far. Hmmm…